


Find My Way Home

by Kufikiria



Series: Any Time, Any Place [5]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: (seems like I have a thing for that theme lol), Alternate Universe - Medical, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, One Shot, Romance, Temporary Amnesia, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 11:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13810527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kufikiria/pseuds/Kufikiria
Summary: Jake is deep undercover in New Jersey when he goes into a car accident and finds himself waking up at the hospital, with no memory of who he is and what he's doing here. Amy is the doctor who's in charge of taking care of him.





	Find My Way Home

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a multichapters fic at first, but I didn't feel like writing it this way finally, so... it turned out into this big OS lol. I've had it in mind for quite some time now so I'm glad I finally managed to finish it!
> 
> Before starting, please bear in mind this is not 100% accurate medically-speaking. I tried to make some research but still there are things I suppose couldn't happen IRL. It's a good thing this is just fiction though :p

_Prologue_

“I'm sorry about your loss. I know he wasn't just a colleague, but also a great friend of all of yours.”

“A _great friend_?! He was _the best_!” Charles cries, tears falling down his face and fists clenched at his sides in anger and desperation. Rosa, next to him, puts a hand on his shoulders, trying to calm her coword down. In vain.

Charles Boyle just lost his best friend, and he's inconsolable.

(The ninety-ninth precinct of Brooklyn just lost its best detective, and they're all in mourning.)

When the police squad under Terry Jefford's command saw two FBI agents gathered in their boss's office earlier this morning when they arrived, and spotted him discreetly removing a tear off his cheek, they already knew something bad happened.

Never would have they imagined the reason why they were suddenly asked to go to the meeting room would be to announce their partner's death in a fire.

He had been gone on an undercover mission for almost six months now.

“Are we sure it's him?” Rosa asks after some time, when the news have finally sunk in everybody. She can't – doesn't _want_ to – believe Jake won't be there anymore.

“It's too burnt to be recognised, but the corpse matches his. Plus we know for sure he was supposed to be there with some other members of the Ianucci family he was working with to take them down. I'm sorry,” the agent repeats once more.

He truly hates that particular part of his job.

* * *

It's been a bay day.

A very bad, very _long_ and _tiring_ day.

It's 8:03 p.m. at the break room clock, and all Amy wants right now is to go home, lie on her couch with some Polish takeout to eat and watch Property Brothers until she's fallen asleep in front of the TV. Unfortunately she can't, though. Because tonight she's on a night shift.

Which means she won't be leaving the hospital any time soon – not before the next morning at the very least, to be exact.

She doesn't mind night shifts, usually. Working at night is a lot calmer than during the day, with normally less things happening in her medical service – it's like everything is moving slower in there. She has plenty of time to chat with her colleagues in front of a shared coffee without being disturbed too much by some emergency, then.

And, given that the two other people working with her happen to be her best friend, Kylie, and her boyfriend, Teddy… she generally enjoys the company, despite the tiredness that obviously comes with having to work late, sometimes doing one shift after another in the same day.

Of course though, tonight has to be different.

Of course though, there has to be an emergency that suddenly takes them off their well-deserved, quiet break.

The warning comes from their pagers' alarm, shining red against the whiteness of the pocket of their blouses. Requiring for their help, _fast_.

Amy is the first one who stands up, soon followed by her coworkers, all rushing towards the main entrance of the building without bothering to share more than a quick glance at each other. They arrive just when a man is being pushed inside in a stretcher and in the direction of the operating room.

From a first sight, he looks unconscious, and in a pretty critical state, with his face and dark hair covered in fresh blood and his right hand falling loosely on the side of the stretcher.

“What happened?” Amy asks as she follows the emergency doctors already taking care of him while checking on the new patient's vitals, not the least disgusted by the sight he offers with his cuts and wounds and more than likely broken bones. She's been working here for five years now, after all.

She's (quite unfortunately) used to all of this.

“Car accident,” one of the emergency doctors, the one standing the closest to her side, lets her know of the facts. “Man ran the red lights and crashed into a truck. Was pretty bad, if we're to believe what's left of his vehicle. Luckily though, he was alone in the car and the only one who got injured.”

Then, after a short pause, he adds what the woman already guessed when she first saw the wounded person, “Got a lot of broken bones, and internal bleeding too, as well as this pretty ugly open wound,” he points to his stomach as he speaks, “We think he's compromised.”

Amy swallows hard. It never gets easier, those things, no matter how long she's been doing that job. She doesn't think it ever will.

For only answer, she simply nods to the other doctor's words, wishing they're not too late.

That they're going to save this man.

* * *

It takes hours spent in surgery. But, when Amy finally leaves her patient behind at exactly 1:47 a.m. the next day after putting him in a room and checking on him one last time, she might be even more exhausted than she was before being called on the case, but it doesn't matter anymore.

All that matters right now is that _they did it_. _He_ made it. Her patient's _alive_.

He's still not waking up, probably won't for a while, but at least he's alive, and more importantly – not in any more critical danger right now.

* * *

The man turns out to be the perfect John Doe.

Indeed, he didn't have any ID card when he got admitted to the hospital. Nothing belonging to him was found at the scene of the accident either. His car was totally empty.

And, most surprisingly, no one seems to be missing him, since no one has reported his disappearance anywhere yet, despite them reporting him to the police.

They can't ask him who he is either, because he's still not waking up – it's been three days now.

So, for now, he's just a John Doe.

* * *

Three days turn into a whole week, and John Doe is still remaining unconscious after his car accident. Still no one has claimed his disappearance.

It really shouldn't bother Amy, who's been assigned to his case, because he's not her first patient who doesn't get any visits, and surely won't be her last either – those things tend to happen a lot more than imagined – but still, she can't help but feel bad for the man.

For not having anyone in his life that cares enough to notice his absence and search for him.

Everytime she walks by his room and catches a glimpse of his peaceful, sleeping, _lonely_ figure lying on his tiny hospital bed through the open glass, she can't help but feel a pang of hurt in her chest. She quickly continues on her way, though – she can't think like this. She's a professional, after all.

She can't start caring for her patients.

So she forces herself to only do what's asked of her: change his bandages when needed, check on his vitals and his drip, and then leave right away to another patient that also requires her care, doing the exact same thing with a smile plastered on her face and some casual words to them.

Sometimes though, at night, when she's in bed with her boyfriend, lying wide awake and staring at the ceiling, his arm keeping her in a tight embrace, she can't retain her thoughts from coming back and haunt her. “That must be dreadful, having no one who cares in your life,” she lets it all wander aloud.

Usually, in those situations, Teddy only shrugs in return to her ramblings. He's so used to it now, he doesn't even have to ask what – or _who_ – she's referring to. He already knows.

“Amy, he's just another drunkard who took the road while on alcohol and risked everyone's life by doing so,” he always replies the same thing with a half-asleep grunt, not even bothering to open his eyes – now's really not the time for such conversations. “I say he deserves it.”

She should agree with him. She really should – because he's right, after all. But she can't.

* * *

Eventually, one day, it happens.

John Doe wakes up from his long sleep.

She's on her lunch break when her pager starts buzzing where she carefully has it fastened to her hip, indicating another emergency. She doesn't think twice when she stands up and rushes towards the room where she's demanded – _his_ room. When she arrives, she finds him surrounded by nurses, his body shuddering in fast, uneven movements.

First, from afar, she images he's convulsing, that something's gone wrong with him and his body his failing him. But then she enters, and her eyes lock with his terrified ones.

_They're brown_ , is weirdly the first thought that comes across her mind when for the very first time in more than a week, he's looking back at her. She quickly recomposes herself, though.

Because soon the relief to see him finally awake is replaced by the new fear that they might not have gone through the worst as a nurse informs her of what's happening with that man – why he seems so lost and puzzled. “He doesn't remember who he is,” she says, and Amy frowns at her words.

That's no good news at all.

She takes over the nurses then, coming closer to her patient, who seems to be on a loop – _where am I, where am I, where am I?!_ he desperately repeats the same question while looking around in search of something he knows – and puts a hand on his shoulder, trying to keep him still. He shouldn't be moving too much – he has several wounds that really shouldn't be reopened.

(And quite a few broken bones in different parts of his body, too.)

“Hey, look at me,” the doctor asks him to lock his gaze on her in a soft, calm voice. “Look at me,” she says several other times, until he finally does so.

When she knows she has his whole attention now, with his startled, tired eyes fixed upon her in a sign that he’s listening, she goes on with her explanation. “You're at the hospital,” she informs him, and she can tell from the sudden switch in his look that the panic is coming back, so she quickly adds, “But it's okay now. You had a car accident, but you're gonna be okay. We're taking care of you.”

She offers him a tender smile, and he lets out a sigh, though still looking thrown.

“Can you tell me your name please?” she asks when she sees he's starting to calm down a bit.

A pause follows this question. The man facing her remains quiet as he seems to try and think about it – but after a minute, still nothing comes.

She can sense that he's on the verge on breaking down again at the realisation that he can't even answer such a basic interrogation about himself. “It's okay,” Amy repeats, and puts a hand on his arm to prevent the anxiety to build up again in his chest – it’s a chance she’s an expert in such things, having to deal with them herself too in her own life. “You've been through a lot, and you've just woken up. I'm sure your memory will be back in no time.”

He smiles back at her, then – a small, shy smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but a smile nonetheless – wishing she's right about that.

* * *

Days pass, and they soon have to come to the conclusion that she unfortunately isn't.

Even now that he’s awake, Amy's John Doe still remains a John Doe, unable to remember about who he is, no matter what doctors try to trigger his memory, or the tests they run on him to discover what’s wrong with him.

They give him medication, want to make him speak. But he doesn't seem to want to cooperate, closing off to everyone in the process. Not having any more clue about who you are from one day to another can be quite the scary experience, after all. But Amy isn't someone to give up easily. So she tries, every day, to get to him.

To help him want to remember. To help him re-learn things. Doing what she does and knows best: making a binder out of it, to gather all the information about him they need. Every progress – even the slightest ones, given how long such a work this can be – he makes with each new day passing by.

It's long, and very hard, especially at the beginning, but she eventually gains her patient's trust. She manages to make him talk to her, soon exchanging about everything and anything together.

* * *

“Hi Dora!” he happily greets her one day, as she enters his room for one of her usual daily checkups. He seems in a pretty good mood.

She frowns at his designation, though, concerned – he's supposed to know her name by now. She evens agreed on letting him call her Amy instead of just ‘Dr. Santiago’ after some time. “Who's Dora?” she asks him then, furrowing her brows in confusion.

“You,” his smile only grows wider at his doctor's question. He doesn’t seem to notice the puzzled expression on her face. “I figured if you get to give me a name, I do too.”

Amy laughs, relieved. She doesn't really know how, nor when exactly it all started, but one day, as they were talking together, she began calling him Johnny. She never really liked ‘John Doe.’

‘John Doe’ sounded too casual. Too… impersonal. It sounded like lost boys and no identity, while this man deserved one. _Everyone_ deserves one.

And he seemed to like it, when she came up with it – _a lot_.

“And so you came up with Dora?” she asks again, quite amused by his choice.

“Yep,” he proudly states.

“Why?”

“I don't know. It suits you. Not as good as Amy does, but… y'know,” he tells her.

She smiles again – something she's come to do a lot around him lately; the man truly has the ability to cheer her up, even after a long day of work – before finally concentrating on her professional duty, the true reason she came in here in the first place – and not to have a chat with her patient.

( _Don't start caring_ , a voice deep inside her head tries warning her.)

* * *

“Hey there! Is everything okay?”

When Amy enters her patient's room for the first time that day, she sees him curled up in his bed, his back facing her. This is strange, she thinks, since he always seems to manage to know when she'll be here, and cheerfully greets her when she passes his door.

Hearing her, Johnny turns to look at her, and lets out a sigh, complaining. “I'm bored,” he tells her. “I've been awake and stuck here for a month already, I can't stand those dumb shows anymore,” he points to the little TV in front of him. “And I don't even have premium channels. When will I be able to go out?”

“Not quite yet, I'm afraid,” his doctor offers him an apologetic smile as she approaches, and starts to check on how his open wounds are healing as she speaks. “You need to remain in bed for at least two more months so that your bones can heal properly,” she reminds him.

“That sucks,” he pouts in return, then both of them fell silent for a little while, her patient watching Amy while she does her job on him. He lets out some cries of pain though, as she cleans his pretty badly wounded side, until he soon takes the floor again, his head now eagerly looking through the window.

“I bet you can see the fireworks pretty well from up the roof,” he dreamily lets out, then turns to watch the woman next to him, staring at her with a broken look in his eyes as he goes on, hopeful, “Is there really no way you can take me up there, even only for a few minutes?”

Her heart breaks too at the sight of him looking so desperate. She wishes she could help him out, but unfortunately she can't. “I'm sorry,” she says. “But no, I really can't. It would be against the protocole.”

He sighs once more, only to sound more dramatic. He doesn't truly blame her. How could he? From the start, she's been a true light in the nightmare that has been his life ever since he woke up with no idea about what he was doing here, nor who he was anymore.

If it weren't for his doctor, he would have lost it already – long ago, even.

* * *

Johnny is lying wide awake in his bed when someone enters his room that same night. He slept the whole day, too bored to do something else, so now he can't sleep anymore. He turns around when he hears footsteps coming his way, and is quite surprised when he finds himself face-to-face with Amy.

“What are you doing here?” he raises a questioning eyebrow at her.

He's not supposed to have someone checking on him until the next morning. For a second there he starts panicking – is it possible something went wrong, some more bad news given by some blood test he's had? – but then he catches her smiling at him, and instantly calms down.

If there was a problem, he would have been able to tell by her reaction. She’s not the kind of doctor who tries and reassures you before dropping the bomb.

His suspicions are quickly confirmed by her words. “I couldn't stop thinking about what you told me,” she says, then lowers her voice as she approaches him, looking back from time to time to be sure no one's around. “About wanting to see the fireworks and leaving your room. I'm in, finally.”

This shocks Johnny even more than seeing his doctor in his room in the middle of the night. “You are?!” he asks in dire confusion.

“Yes,” her smile grows wider as she answers.

He opens his mouth in return, about to ask her what made her change her mind, but suddenly shuts it. He's afraid if she starts talking about it, she'll think twice about what she's about to do and change her plans because she’ll regret what she’s doing. He simply thanks her instead, gloating over how happy he is to eventually be able to go out after all these weeks.

He's missed that… _so much_.

Very carefully, making sure they go unnoticed all the way through it, Amy pushes the wheelchair she put Johnny in towards the closest elevator to his room, and then up the roof. He lets out a gasp when she opens the door and he can finally breathe his first gulp of fresh air after what felt like ages.

“I was right,” he pleasantly sighs as he takes in the wonderful sight that the night lights of New Jersey are offering them. “This _is_ the best spot.”

Amy simply smiles in return, placing his wheelchair next to a bench there, where she sits by his side. She's risking a lot by doing this, she can't help but let the thought linger into the back of her mind, but seeing him like this, as glowing as she's ever seen him ever since he was admitted to the hospital… it somehow makes the treason to her superior's trust and hospital's protocole a lot more easier to handle.

“It is beautiful indeed,” she eventually talks after taking the time to truly watch the sky in front of them for the first time despite all the times she's been there already from the beginning of her career. “I usually only come here to shame-smoke a cigarette or two after a hard case,” she goes on confessing. “So I never got the chance to really enjoy the view, but…”

She suddenly stops in her tracks, looking down, overwhelmed by the reminiscence of the times illnesses and accidents beat her at her job and took her patients away.

“I can't imagine how hard a job this must be,” Johnny puts a hand on hers when he understands she won't go further with her explanation. “Dedicating your life to others. Thank you for what you’re doing. For us. For _me_.”

She looks up at him then, and sees him tenderly smiling at her as he intertwines their fingers together, and a rush of warmth comes taking over her heart. _Stop caring_ , the voice at the back of her head reminds her again, and she quickly looks away, taking her hand off his.

After that, they remain in an awkward silence for a while, thankfully soon distracted by the fireworks starting in the distance, which gives them something else to think about and put their whole attention on. Amy can't help but sneak a few glances at Johnny during the show, though, and she soon finds her smile again as she sees how happy he is to be here.

“So… what about the fireworks?” she asks in the middle of it.

He turns towards her, hesitant. “I don't know,” he acknowledges. “It's like… I've been drawn towards them the whole day. Who knows, maybe I had this tradition of going to see them with my family and wanted to relive that again tonight even without knowing it? Is it even possible?”

Johnny doesn't know that, but he's just said the perfect words to make Amy completely relax, and not feel too ashamed of being here with him anymore, like she's been deep down from the beginning. Because if this little gateaway can trigger his memory… well, it means it's become a professional business now, and not… whatever it was supposed to be at the beginning.

Which means she doesn't have to feel too bad about it anymore, since she's taking him there for medical purposes only.

(Or so she tries to persuade herself of it.)

That's why she truly seems back in a good mood when she tells him, “Yes, it's very probable.”

He doesn’t answer anything, simply putting his attention back to the fireworks, and she watches him all along. It looks like he's doing his best to remember what this show means to him.

And, as she stares at him, she can't help but wonder what he was like before. If he really was just some lonely drunkard, like Teddy always says, or if there's more of his story to know.

Because now that she’s learning more about him, spending each day by his side, she can’t picture him as the bad guy. Even before that, she couldn't anyway.

She wonders if she'll ever know the truth, though.

If _he_ 'll ever know it, too.

But then the fireworks end, and they're surrounded by silence again, and Amy's taken out of her reverie by Johnny hailing her. “I think it's time to go,” he's surprisingly the one to offer to leave, pointing out to the exit door with his head. “I wouldn't like you to get in trouble because of me.”

Amy only nods in response, and quietly takes him back to his room, still making sure no one spots them on their way. As she's about to turn around, though, her patient stops her.

“Thank you for tonight,” he tells her with a spark in his eyes she's never seen there before as he tenderly smiles at her, genuinely thankful for her gesture.

“You're welcome,” she offers back, and then hurries out of his room, feeling the urge of getting him out of her sight the quicker possible.

* * *

“What took you so long?!” Teddy asks her when she tries to discreetly join him under the covers, wishing he was already deeply asleep and wouldn't ask any question about her whereabouts.

Of course he wasn't.

“I needed to take care of something at the hospital,” she informs him, staying the more vague possible on purpose so that what she says doesn’t come up as a lie.

She doesn’t want to lie to her boyfriend, but weirdly doesn’t feel like giving him the whole truth either.

“Something… or someone?!” he bitterly speaks again, and Amy watches him with wide opened eyes, all tiredness she felt leaving her body at once.

“What is this supposed to mean?” she wants to know what's behind his innuendo.

“I think you know,” Teddy sighs. When he sees that she doesn't understand, he goes on. “Your patient, the John Doe. Everyone can see how close you're getting to him. Careful Amy, it’s not good you do.”

“I'm not!” she exclaims a bit louder than necessary, taken aback. “He's just my patient. Excuse me for being agreeable and trying to make his stay here less miserable,” she's suddenly very mad.

“If you say so…” the man at her side doesn't try and argue with her, simply turns his back to her and goes back to sleep in a deep sigh.

Amy can't, though. She's not ‘getting close’ to Johnny, that's insane. She wouldn't even call him her friend. He's her patient, nothing else. She just wants to help him… doctor-wise.

_Liar_ , the voice inside her head calls her.

“Shut up!” she lets out aloud, covering her head with her pillows, as if they could prevent her thoughts from taking over her brain.

* * *

When he wakes up the next day, Johnny is greeted by a new patient sharing his room. “Hi man!” he waves at him as he sees he's finally opened his eyes.

“Who are you?!” Johnny asks, suspicious. No one told him he was going to have a roommate.

“People call me Doug Judy,” the newcomer cheerfully introduces himself. “And you are?”

“Here they call me John Doe,” the other replies in a same voice. “Or Johnny, to…”

He stops, in search of the right word to use. Up until now, only Amy has called him like that. And what's Amy to him? His doctor, right. But he'd be lying if he said he only saw her that way. She'd grown up on him, as time went by and they learnt to know each other.

He doesn't really know if he can call her a friend, though.

(Let alone let the feelings he started to realise he might have for her the past night on that roof take over.)

“Whatever,” he ends up saying, not wanting to think about it more. “You can call me John,” he offers. “Why are you here?”

“I've been admitted for a broken leg,” the man points to his right, wounded limb. “And enjoying the free food along the way,” he then points to the plate put in front of him with a wink – that's when Johnny realises his is waiting for him to eat it right next to him.

Both men chat for a little more as they share their meal, and soon realise they have a lot in common, bonding over things. It really helps time go faster, having a roommate, Johnny thinks.

“Good morning you two!” Amy suddenly enters the room with a bright smile on her face, cutting them off in their vivid conversation. “I see you two go along quite well,” she adds as she watches them, her smile only growing wider at the sight. “Good. I thought you'd like having some company,” she turns to Johnny, talking only to him this time.

“You asked for me to have a roommate?” his eyes lit up at her words, warmth taking over his heart at her kind gesture.

“Well, after you told me you were bored and asked me to take you out but I couldn't, I felt bad, and thought about a way to make it up to you,” she blinks at him in a knowing, secret way that catches the other patient's attention from the other side of the room, watching the two interact with sudden care.

“Thank you,” Johnny heartedly answers with an amused smile.

“No problem. Now tell me, Johnny, how are you today?”

Doug Judy starts when he hears their doctor calling him like that. Finally, his stay at the hospital might turn to be more interesting than he first thought it would…

He listens to them interacting with each other all along, laughing and chatting all the way Amy takes care of him, and when finally she has checked on both of them and quits the room, it's with a voice full of innuendos that the newcomer turns to Johnny, and asks, “Soooo… she's the one who got the right to call you Johnny, huh? You like her?”

“What, Amy?!” Johnny lets out a nervous laugh in return. “Don't be ridiculous, she's nothing more than my doctor. I'm not into that. We're not close at all,” he pitifully lies.

But Doug Judy isn’t fooled. “Yeah, sure,” he mocks his roommate. “Because everyone who doesn't care about their doctor calls them by their first name and flirts with them. She’s cute, I’ll give you that.”

“I WAS NOT FLIRTING WITH HER!” Johnny yells, which only confirms the other’s suspicions.

* * *

Finally, eventually, after three months and a half, Johnny's allowed to leave the hospital.

He's not entirely recovered, still hasn't got his whole memory back even though he's made some little progress, but he's doing well enough to be able to go out, and only come back for some required appointments with a therapist and an osteopath every two weeks.

Of course though, he has nowhere to go. No one to come home to. He didn't get any more visits while awake than he did when he was in a coma. Still no one has declared his loss.

Fortunately, like the northern light she seems to have been the whole time he was at the hospital, Amy's still there once he has to go. Her younger brother, Daniel, happens to be in search of a roommate for his new apartment, and she soon arranges a meeting between the two men, persuaded they would get along. Which they do indeed, quite easily.

Daniel wasn't really keen with the idea at the beginning, though. He only accepted because his sister insisted and knew perfectly how to be persuasive.

But he's worried about her. He can feel there's something going on with her. Going on with _them_ – with Johnny and herself. He could tell the moment she first talked about him during one of their weekly meetings over breakfast. There was this look in her eyes that didn't predict anything good…

She's never acted like this with any other patient in the past. She always remained very professional, never getting attached to any one of them. It's one of her main rules.

But it seems that with this particular guy, for some unknown reason, she broke it. And, when he tries to confront her about it, she doesn't have any good answer to give her brother.

“What does Teddy think of all this?” he asks then, curious.

Amy shrugs. “Teddy and I broke up a few weeks ago,” she informs him, and Daniel gasps in shock.

It's the first time he's hearing about this rather important news. “What? Why?!”

“There was no spark between us anymore.”

She lets out the words so matter-of-factly, as if it were nothing, as if she hadn’t just ended a long-term relationship with a man she once thought maybe could be ‘the one.’ Apparently she was wrong.

She doesn't let Daniel know that, but as they speak, she can't help remember the conversation they had, with her now ex-boyfriend – him telling her the true reason she wanted to break up with him was Johnny. Because she liked him. And, even though she denied it at first, now she's quite lost.

Because maybe she _does_ likes him, after all.

(And maybe he likes her too.)

* * *

Though he’s obviously happy to finally be able to leave the hospital, Johnny is also afraid that will mean he won’t see his doctor too often now.

He's grown used to seeing her every day, to their daily chats, and he’s sure he’s going to miss it.

But living at her brother’s place comes with its own perks. Indeed, she happens to have the habit of coming over quite often, checking out on the youngest member of her family. And, when he first thought that now that they were not patient and doctor anymore, maybe their relationship would change into something more personal, he soon understands it already changed before he went away.

She’s been his friend for way longer than they would both admit; it then remains the exactly the same as it were before. And maybe even more than that – to him at least, now that he can think about it, without those professional labels stopping him. He’s liked her for quite some time now.

(Ever since she took him up that roof that particular night, to be exact.)

His new shared apartment isn’t the only place they meet since, as Amy clearly reminded him several times for him not to forget, he’s supposed to go back to the hospital every two weeks for his appointments. And, if he doesn’t really mind his osteopath lessons, he hates therapy. He doesn't like to appear vulnerable in front of some stranger – even though Helen, his therapist, is really nice and simply wants to help.

She's not Amy, though. No matter how hard she may try, she never seems to find the right words to go pass his walls like the other woman did those months ago.

“Johnny! What are you doing here?” he startles his friend one day then, when she enters the medical room where she's supposed to check on a patient. She looks at her planning, then frowns in confusion while she stares back at him. “We didn't have any appointment, did we? Is there something wrong?”

“No, everything's okay,” he quickly reassures her when he sees she's starting to worry. “I just… wanted to ask you a favour,” he shamefully lowers his head.

“Oh,” Amy replies, suddenly feeling curious of what he has to ask of her. “What's up?”

“As you know, I've been seeing a therapist for the past weeks now, and I'm seeing her today,” he begins with his explanation. The woman watches him carefully as he speaks – she doesn’t know where he’s going with his words, but he seems really nervous about what he has to tell her. “And… I was wondering if you could come with me, please?” he eventually lets the words out.

“Why?” is the doctor's only reaction, startled by his request.

“I'd feel more comfortable having you around,” Johnny confesses, looking her right in the eye.

For a moment, Amy doesn't say anything in return. She only stares at him, studying him – she's never seen him that much vulnerable, and she's got to see him at his worst.

That's why, after a while spent in silence, she finally says, “Okay.” Johnny releases a relieved sigh – he was really afraid she wouldn't want to do it. “I don't promise anything,” she insists though, not to let his hopes up too much in case something happens and she can’t come anymore. "But I have a break in 30 minutes. If no emergency comes up until then, I'll meet you there.”

He grins in return, thanking her vividly. He wants to go and hug her for that, but doesn't dare doing so. Instead, he simply nods at her before leaving, going to wait for his therapy with his heart more lightly than it’s ever been in such a situation, stress having left his whole body only by knowing he's not going to do this alone this time.

He's going to have Amy by his side.

And, when she arrives exactly 32 minutes later and joins the therapy under Helen's curious eye, Johnny speaks more than he's ever done so before, reassured by the gentle smiles and nods Amy gives him all the while, every time their eyes meet.

There's only one thing he doesn't admit out loud and keeps for himself only when the thought comes across his mind this day: he might be in love.

(And she might be too.)

* * *

“I never got the chance to properly thank you.”

As almost every week now, Daniel, Amy and Johnny are having a movie night at the two men’s apartment when the latter lets out the words to his ex-doctor. They're both alone, the young Santiago having left a few minutes earlier to go grab some pizzas. Amy turns to her friend then, confused.

“What for?” she asks, not really understanding what she did to owe his thanks.

“Saving my life,” he simply answers.

Her heart misses a beat, and she smiles. “That's my job,” she tells him. “No need to thank me for that.”

“Your job was to take care of my wounds,” Johnny turns even further into her side, watching her with a very serious look in his eyes. “We both know you did way more than that. You kept me sane when I was completely lost, even jeopardizing your entire career for me. And when you could have gotten rid of me for good, you found me somewhere to stay and start a whole new life.”

The woman wants to argue to his speech, but he doesn't let her the chance to say any word. “Let me buy you dinner,” he offers instead.

She freezes, completely caught off guard by his sudden offer. Her heartbeat gets faster and faster in her chest, as the question repeats itself in her mind. He is really… asking her out?!

_No, he just wants to thank you, dummie,_ the voice at the back of her head comes back, and she doesn’t know if it’s a relief or a pain. She thinks for a few more seconds about it, then finally accepts. “Okay.”

“Perfect,” a wide smile appears on Johnny's face at her acceptance, and she can't help but smile back at him. “Tomorrow at 8, would it be okay with you?”

“Yes,” she agrees, as it happens to be her day-off (she wonders if he already knew that).

They don't have to talk more about this, because soon after this conversation Daniel is back in the room with the pizzas, and sits between them on the couch. “Ready for a _Harry Potter_ marathon?” he asks, but none of them really pays attention to him, or the movies, too lost in their own minds for that.

* * *

She doesn't want to think about this outing with Johnny as a date, but still Amy finds herself knocking on her big brother's door, Luis, at 5 p.m. the day after, asking to speak with his daughter. Lisa may be only 13 years old, but she knows more about makeup than the doctor does, and she could use some tips right now.

The teenager is more than happy to help, and when they both get out of her room almost an hour later, the reactions from the family doesn't wait to come.

“Wow, Amy,” her step-sister whistles when she sees her. “You look… wonderful.”

“Thank you,” both Lisa and herself answer in unison, and she blushes at the compliment, hoping this is not too much after all. Hoping _Johnny_ won't think it's too much.

* * *

She's quite the sight, in that red dress that suits her perfectly.

When he picks her up that night for their dinner, Johnny can't help but stare at Amy for a few seconds as she opens the door to him. He's always thought she's a beautiful woman, from the moment he laid his eyes on her for the first time when he woke up in that hospital room and she was the only thing that seemed to make sense at the time, the only person wanting to calm him down and answer his questions, but now that he actually gets the chance to see her wearing something else than her work clothes… she's simply and utterly breathtaking. “Wow, that's… really different from when you're wearing your blouse and keep your hair tied,” he nervously jokes.

She seems a bit taken aback by his words, already regretting her moves, afraid she's misread the signs and she shouldn’t have gone all out for him (he did put on an effort too, though, she notices – she thinks he even took time to go to the hairdresser), so she quickly answers, “Is it too much? I asked my 13-year-old niece for makeup advice but I don't know if I can trust her. She's so _sexual_.”

He can't help but lightly laugh at her comment, before becoming all serious again, and tells her with a sincere smile as he takes her hand in hers in reassurance, “No. You look great.”

She can feel her cheeks turning a new shade of red, just as the simple compliment manages to calm her down and make her heartbeat speed both at the same time. “Thank you,” she smiles back at him. “You’re not too bad yourself,” she compliments him back.

“I know,” he winks, and she rolls her eyes while she can’t retain a giggle from escaping her throat. He laughs along with her, and when they’re finally all quiet again, he offers her his arm.

“Shall we?” he proposes, and she immediately obliges, hooking her arm with his.

* * *

His lips are exquisitely working their way down her throat, heading south towards her almost-bare chest as her own hands wander on his back, her half-naked body trapped under his own, moaning under his expert touch.

She couldn't tell who got the idea to leave the restaurant first and head back to her apartment to end their night there. All she knows is that there she is, on her bed, about to have sex with her ex-patient become friend become _lover_ , apparently. And she's enjoying it. _A lot._

Though the dinner started quite awkwardly – after all, it was the first time they were seeing each other alone outside of the hospital, and it looked a lot more official than expected – they soon managed to fall into easy conversations (the alcohol the ordered for themselves helping) and then… into _more_.

It's not usually Amy's type, to have sex with someone right after the first date – especially when she wasn’t even so sure it was one at the beginning. But then again, it's not her type to fall for one of her patients either anyway.

It seems like Johnny is able break every rule she has, and for once, with him… she doesn't even care.

She simply wants to enjoy the moment, without thinking about the consequences.

And, when she wakes up in his arms the day after, and they share a happy breakfast together, as if they'd known each other forever, she's glad she broke her rules for him.

* * *

Happiness doesn't last long, though. It never does.

Because only a few days after that shared moment they didn't have time to talk too much about since, Amy working almost non-stop, Johnny is back at the hospital.

Though not as a patient, this time, nor for one of his appointments. He's there to take someone in, getting in the ambulance he quickly called himself to accompany Daniel, who's apparently been poisoned, doctors informs him on their way to the hospital as he recounts what happened. And it's not any casual food poisoning, no… _someone_ put it in there.

More than ever it startles him, because this food his roommate ate was supposed to be _his_. _He_ was the one who ordered pizza that day. But, for some reason, he didn't feel hungry anymore when he got it, so he offered it to his friend. _Why didn't he want his pizza?!_

He _always_ wants his pizza.

It should be him, then, unconscious and between life and death in that hospital room.

* * *

After that incident, the New Jersey P.D. decides to reopen their investigation on his car accident, thinking that maybe it wasn't just that. It looked weird from the start anyway.

And, it turns out they were right to do so, because after some more research, they end up figuring out that indeed, this wasn’t just some basic accident. Johnny had been set up, making it look like he was just another drunkard who took the road and forgot to fasten his seatbelt when apparently, someone clearly wanted – and still _wants_ – him dead.

They must have learned they failed the first time, and now are back to finish the job, trying to get to him by poisoning his food, but failing… _again_. Now they have to find out who’s doing this, and _why_ , before it’s too late and they finally succeed in doing what they missed the previous times: kill Johnny.

* * *

It ends up being him too, after all. The one ending up in an hospital room for injury.

As he waits for an update on Daniel’s state in the waiting room a few days after the man’s admission, he feels his side hurting. He hasn’t had time to take care of his wound lately, too focused on his other problems. He doesn’t pay it too much attention, though – it’s happened more and more, but the pain has always remained quite bearable. Until it isn’t anymore.

One second he’s pacing back and worth the room, his hand pressing against his side to calm the pain down a bit but never stopping to check on it once, his head spinning and hurting and sweat falling from his forehead as he’s feeling hotter and hotter, and the next he’s laying on the floor, unconscious.

When he wakes up not so long after, he's lying in an hospital bed he knows all too well, with Amy by his side cleaning up his bad wound. She seems tired, and mostly irritated.

“What happened, why am I here?” he asks then, confused, and Amy barely stops to look at him. He sees her eyes lit up in relief at seeing he's awake, though, but it doesn't linger long, soon replaced by a more severe look. She presses on his stomach, and he lets out a hurtful cry.

“Why would someone try to kill you when you're so good at doing it yourself?” she eventually lets out in anger, finally watching him in the eye. “How hard is it to take care of that wound so that it doesn't get infected?! You're lucky you happened to be there, Johnny, otherwise it might have been too late.”

He knows her well enough now to understand that behind that apparent anger, she's scared. Not only about his own health, but about her brother's too.

Suddenly, he feels ashamed for not having cared enough about his life – especially when someone is indeed after it. “I'm sorry,” he tells her then, and she calms down a bit.

She doesn't say anything back, though. “How's Daniel?” he asks again then – he can't stand the cold silence between them.

“I don't know,” and for the first time she lets her walls break a little, quickly removing a tear off her cheek with her sleeve. “They wouldn't let me take care of him, as he’s family. Told me they'd keep me updated. But I haven't heard anything since – I was too busy trying to keep you alive.”

Even more shame takes over Johnny's heart following her last sentence and this time, he's the one who keeps quiet, mad at himself for distracting her from her real worry here.

Mad at himself for making her worry about him more than she already is and should be, with some criminal apparently being after him. She doesn’t need to add his stupidity to all of that.

* * *

“I need to give my John Doe case to someone else,” Amy directly goes to her boss, one Dr. Ray Holt, right after she finishes taking care of the man in question.

“Why?” the man in front of her asks, looking up from his paperwork as she enters his office, his face as still as it's always been while he carefully studies her.

The woman sighs, then confesses. “Because I… might be in love with him,” she lets it all out at once, choosing to be completely honest with him, after what she’s already hidden from him regarding said patient in the past. She couldn’t bear one more lie to that man she admires so much.

It's the first time she's saying it out loud. And, quite strangely, it doesn't freak her out as she thought it would – after all, admitting her true feelings could cause her a lot of trouble; but then again, not doing so, now that he’s back as a patient at her hospital, might too. She simply feels relieved she managed to finally tell someone about it, and stop denying it all.

“Okay,” her superior surprisingly gives her the short answer, not bothering asking for more explanation from her part. “I'll take it from here. Just leave all the files you have on him on my desk, please. I was going to have to, anyway, with the police now tightly involved in this.”

Amy's heart tightens in her chest at his last words. Ever since she's heard the news of the sabotage, she couldn't sleep, too afraid something might happen to Johnny.

She couldn't handle it. Just like she couldn't handle something happening to her little brother either…

* * *

“Where's Am– I mean, Dr. Santiago?”

Johnny quickly corrects himself when, the day after, it's not the brunette woman that comes into his room to check on him but a man he's never seen before (but heard of a lot, he realises when he reads his name on his blouse as he approaches him: Dr. Ray Holt, Amy's idol and mentor). As he starts doing what's supposed to be _her_ job, he can't help but worry, and imagine something bad happened to her.

Holt looks at him, with no real expression readable on his poker face. “She's not on the case anymore,” he informs him. “From now on, I'll be your doctor.”

That doesn't help Johnny calm down – quite the contrary. “Why?” he asks again. “Is it because of me? I swear, everything she did while I was a patient here… she didn't want to. I forced her,” he says – more than ever he's scared that what he made her do had somehow been revealed to her superiors and she got fired because of it. “She didn't want to take me on top of that roof,” he goes on, panic easily audible in his voice as it’s creeping upon him. “Please tell me you didn't fire her because of me?!”

“Fire her?” the other man seems startled by his words. “I wouldn't fire my best doctor. Even though she did disobey my command.”

Of course their little escape didn't go unnoticed – it’s an hospital, there are plenty of cameras there after all – and of course Holt knew all along. He was just waiting for Amy to confess her sins.

(It seems like Johnny beat her at it, though.)

Hearing that, the wounded man can't help but let out a long sigh of relief. Only until Holt speaks again, telling him what's really happening. “ _She_ asked me to take her off your case.”

“Why?!” Johnny's more confused than ever now. Why would she do such a thing?! He thought there was something between them, there… But maybe for her, it was just one night, and she regrets it now.

Or maybe she blames him for her brother's state. Or…

“It's a question you should ask her,” his new doctor takes him out of his depressing thoughts.

* * *

He can't ask her, though.

Because it seems like she's avoiding him. She never comes by his room ever again.

So, one day, he decides to go and look for her himself. He misses her.

And he wants to know what he did wrong. Wants to apologise, too, if he hurt her in any way.

She's quite easy to find, sitting by Daniel's side in his hospital room, just as he expected she would be. She's not in her work clothes, he notices right away, which means she must have a day off today – and of course she chose to spend it with her unconscious brother to keep him company.

Hopefully though, she's alone in there. She told him how big of a family she had, someday, so he was afraid they would all be here with her, and he couldn't talk with her.

“I know I'd find you here,” he calls her as he discreetly enters the room, as if not to disturb the sleeping man. It's silly, he knows, because it's not as if his steps are what will wake him up. And, if it did, no one would be mad at him for having woken him up anyway – on the contrary, even.

First thing he notices when Amy turns her gaze back from the other Santiago to him when she hears him is how tired she looks. She must have not slept in days, he's sure, eaten up by worry for her kin, and maybe for himself too. Soon though, wonder takes over the rest when she recognises him.

“What are you doing here?!” she exclaims, visibly upset to see him – not quite the reaction he's hoped for, to be honest. “You can't leave your room like that!”

He approaches her, and takes a seat by her side as he explains himself with a small, shy smile. “I wanted to see my friend,” he confesses.

She remains quiet in return, watching him carefully. She doesn't know if he's talking about her or Daniel, right now.

Or maybe both.

For a while they stay like this, then, watching the man lying in front of them, with the constant (and rather annoying) “bip” of his pulse monitor the only audible sound around them.

“Don't worry, he's a Santiago,” Johnny eventually talks again, and Amy turns towards him, her brown eyes drowning into his, waiting for him to go on. “He's tough,” he continues with his speech, meaning every word he lets out. “He'll be just fine.” He puts his hand on top of hers, gently squeezing it between his fingers in reassurance.

She squeezes back, and smiles. It's very small, but it's the first real one he's seen in some time, so he still counts it as a win. “Thanks, Johnny,” she eventually answers.

She lets her head fall onto the crook of his neck then, finally accepting him in, and sighs. She truly missed him by her side. Everything seems easier when he's here.

Soon enough, for the first time in days, she feels her eyelids close, and falls fast asleep curled up against Johnny. He doesn't move, too afraid to wake her up if he does, and simply watches her sleep in complete silence. She needs some well-deserved rest after all.

* * *

“Where's Daniel?!”

Last time she closed her eyes, Amy was sitting on a chair, with Johnny by her side, and watching over her brother. Now, as she opens them again, she finds herself lying on an hospital bed, freaking out because Daniel is nowhere near and her friend is now sitting on a chair alone, and watching over _her_.

“Still asleep in his room,” he quickly reassures her, bending towards her way to get closer.

“Where am I, then?” she asks again, more confused than ever at this explanation.

“In my room,” Johnny shrugs, as if it were obvious.

It's obviously not to her.

“How– did you– _Johnny_ ,” she calls his name, threatening, watching him with a severe look. “Did you carry me here?! It's not safe for your–…”

He quickly cuts her off with an amused smile on his features, not leaving her enough time to finish her sermon. “I didn't. Your boss, Dr. Holt, did.”

She freezes, in shock. She doesn't quite know what to answer this. Soon though, she regains composure. “And you stayed there the whole time?” she asks, surprised. “How long have I been asleep anyways?” she tries to look at the clock to see the time since she seems to have lost all tracks of it.

Johnny is quicker than she is, as he tells her, “Just a couple of hours, and it's not like I could leave my room as I want to,” he jokingly reminds her of her previous words from when she saw him come in Daniel's room earlier and freaked out. She sighs and rolls her eyes, but she can't help but smile too as her cheeks turn a slight shade of red.

He's all serious in no second when he goes on, asking her what's been bothering him for the past few days, “Why are you avoiding me, and asked to be taken out of my case? Is it because you blame me for what's happening to your brother? If so, Ames, I'm really sor–”

“No!” she quickly exclaims, cutting him off in wild horror. She's surprised he would think she takes him accountable for Daniel's health. Because she doesn't, not the least.

If anything, she should _thank_ him for being there when he got poisoned, and acting as fast as he did. He probably saved his life.

“Why then?” he doesn't seem to be ready to let go easily.

Amy lets out a sigh, trying to think of a way to say her true reasons. “I just–…” She pauses, closes her eyes for a split second in search of some courage, then opens them again and tells him while never leaving his sight, “I just can't work for someone I have feelings for,” she eventually spills everything out.

Johnny's eyes lit up in an instant, and his heart explodes of happiness in his chest. That's so much better than everything he could come up with…

Because of course, he's got feelings for her too. He doesn't tell her so, though. He doesn't need to.

Instead, he only closes the small gap remaining between their two bodies, and tenderly places a kiss on her lips, to which she's soon to answer, her hands getting lost in his hair as she plays with the small curls there.

And, for the first time since he woke up those months ago, not knowing who he was anymore, as he kisses her, Johnny truly feels at home somewhere. _Between that woman's arms._

* * *

After a few more days spent in the hospital just in case, Johnny is finally able to leave (again). From that moment on, he's never quite alone, though, with police forcing to have him under protective detail until they find out who wants to harm him and why. And, when it's not them keeping him company, it's Amy, who comes and spends most of the nights at his place.

To be with him, of course, but also because it makes her feel closer to her brother in some ways, who's still in a rather critical state.

“What if in your real life you have a wife and kids?” she asks one night, when they're all curled up in bed, looking at the ceiling while she's lost deep in her mind.

Things are starting to get real between the two of them, after a few weeks of dating now, and for a few times now she hasn't been able to keep the thought out of her head.

She’s worried that what they're doing is wrong.

“They would have searched for me if it were the case, don't you think?” he reassures her, stroking her arm as he pulls her closer, and kisses her temple.

She looks up at him, and offers him a small smile, before leaving a kiss of her own on his chest. He's probably right. She shouldn't bother her mind with such silly questions.

She simply should enjoy what she has as long as she can – this wonderful man by her side.

* * *

He thinks about it a lot, too. Of what is life was like, before he had this accident.

“ _I think you don't want to remember your life, and that's what prevents you from making any new progress,”_ his therapist told him once, during one of their sessions. “ _I think you're afraid of the truth.”_

Her words lingered on him for a while after that. Of course he was. Of course he _is_. Someone wants him dead. And no one has ever been searching for him, from the beginning.

From the very few things he knows about it, it seems like his former life really sucked.

While his ‘new’ one, as Johnny… well, it's simple: he has Amy in it. And he wouldn't trade it for anything. Because he might not have told her how much she means to him yet, but she is his home. His true, only one that matters, home. He doesn't care where he's supposed to come from, it being New Jersey or elsewhere in the world.

Only _she_ is important. And he's afraid he's gonna lose her if he remembers. That he's not the man she thinks he is and ends up not liking the real him.

So of course he doesn't want to remember, deep inside.

Of course he's terrified whenever he thinks about it.

* * *

He ends up remembering, though.

It starts with some small, insignificant memories, nothing to linger on too much, until it hits him like the truck he crashed into all those months ago did. He wakes up in the middle of the night, all sweaty from a dream that looked – and felt – all too real not to be true.

His name, his job, his colleagues… _everything_ , including his dangerous mission he accepted to take part of without having to think it through.

“ _Detective, we'd like you to go undercover and help us with the investigation.”_

“ _Okay, the answer is yes…”_

He remembers the Ianucci family, that secret meeting he was supposed to have in that warehouse back in New York, where he comes from, and how the plans got changed last minute, his ‘fake friends’ deciding to send him on another mission in New Jersey to prove his trust without leaving him time to warn anyone about it.

That's when realisation hits him too: they must have discovered he was a mole, and all that ‘getting to New Jersey’ thing was just a ruse to get rid of him.

As all these overwhelming memories come back to his mind, Johnny – or rather Jake, now that he remembers his real name – turns to the woman still deeply asleep by his side. The thing he dreaded the most is finally happening. She's not safe by his side, with all those criminals wanting him dead.

They will retreat from nothing before they're sure he's dead. And they'd clearly not mind for casualties.

What he does next breaks his heart then, but he reminds himself it's for the better. He can't risk her life too. He needs to call his squad and tell them what's going on – he's actually pretty confused as to why they didn't try and reach him, or search for him the minute they lost track of him.

A tear starts falling down his cheek and onto the note he's writing to Amy. When he's done, he puts it in evidence on her bedside table, gathers all his stuff, then stops next to her again for a few seconds, watching her, taking on her sight one last time before disappearing.

Maybe when all of this is over, he'll be able to come back, and explain everything. Maybe she'll forgive him. _Maybe…_

In the meantime, he kisses her on the temple, apologises to her sleeping form, and leaves like a thief without ever looking back, fighting against his better instincts.

* * *

First thing Amy notices when she wakes up the next morning is that she's all alone in bed. She's not too disturbed by this fact at first, even though the times Johnny woke up before her were rare, but still, it's plausible. It's not until she sees the note on her bedside table that she understands something's off in there.

She takes it in her hand then and, still not completely awake, starts reading it. _I remember_ , it's written. _I'm not worth it. I'm sorry. –Jake_

She's not sad, when she puts the piece of paper back where she picked it up. No, she's simply mad. And disappointed.

After all this time, after everything she told him, he should know by now who he was didn't matter. She only cares about who he is now, who he's _become_.

His past and memories of it wouldn't change that. Plus, he had no right to arbitrary decide he wasn't worth it for her, not even leaving her the chance to meet the real him.

All of this was _her_ choice to make; no one else's, let alone not _his_. But maybe he's right though, given how he's so cowardly acted, she thinks as she angrily rips off the note.

Maybe he's not worth it after all.

* * *

The minute Charles Boyle hears his best friend's voice through his phone, he starts crying, and doesn't seem to be able to stop, no matter how many times Jake asks him to focus, that what he has to tell him his very important. Deep down, he never stopped believing that the other detective was still alive, unable to think otherwise.

Having the confirmation that he's been right, though… it's a whole different meaning, hard to handle. He's been through hell during the past months without him, and doesn't wait to tell his friend that, as well as everything he's had in chest ever since he's been told that Detective Jake Peralta died in a fire.

“I know, Charles,” the younger man tries to comfort him. "I've had quite a hard time myself, not remembering who I was. That's why I need you and Rosa to come down here. This mission lasted long enough, and broke us all more than enough too. It has to end now.”

After that, Charles finally calms down and they can start thinking of a plan to arrest one of the United States' best crime families – or what little remains of it, actually, since contrary to Jake, most of them _did_ die in a fire after all.

* * *

_Everything._

Jake, Charles and Rosa thought about everything while making up their plan to take down the last big member of the Ianuccis, the one who came with him to New Jersey and thus didn't die in the New York fire – the head of the family, that is –, first through the phone, then all gathered in a hotel room.

It seems like they didn't take one thing into account, though. One big, very important thing.

Amy Santiago, and how important she's turned to be to Jake over the months.

Amy Santiago, and how valuable a ransom she's become then.

Amy Santiago, whose picture one of the detective's ex-’partners’ sends him as they're about to leave, taken from afar of her working at the hospital, with a text following the photography.

_In our family we share everything – even our girlfriends. Especially when they're as hot as that._

Jake freezes when he receives the message, his heart stopping dead in his chest for a split second, dread taking over his whole being at the innuendo.

“Girlfriend?” Charles can’t help but exclaim as he reads the text over his friend's shoulder, curious. “Jake, you have a _girlfriend_?!”

“Now's not the time, Charles,” Rosa punches him in the side. “Do you know where this is?” she turns to her other colleague, pointing at the place where the picture has been taken.

He swallows, mouth dry, barely listening to what the two persons around him are saying.

“JAKE!” the woman shakes him up, then. “They're not gonna hurt her,” she wants to reassure him. “But you need to tell her where she is. _Now_ ,” she urges him.

That's how he eventually regains composure, and hurries out the room, not bothering replying with anything – simply showing them the way. There's no time for more.

Amy's life is in his danger.

* * *

It's quite the dreadful sight, seeing her like that. It's all his nightmares coming true at once.

There's a man by her side grabbing her close against his chest, one of his hands keeping a knife at her throat while the other is dangerously wandering over her body with a mischievous smile as he watches Jake dead in the eye – Leo's the name, he remembers the criminal all too well now.

“One move and she's dead,” he prevents the three detective from taking another step when they finally reach the hospital, and catch him in the middle of trying to flee with Amy.

She's herself looking at them with fear and question in her eyes, and Jake hates himself for not being able to help her. For involving her into this.

Especially when he judges his options here; he only has two of them, both terrible: he can either not move indeed and helplessly watch this monster touch her, or try and reach her and risking him cutting her throat and letting her bleed out to death. There's really not one choice better than the other here.

But then, coming from nowhere, unheard, unseen, just when Jake's about to give up and trade her life with his own, hoping it will work, like a savior Dr. Holt arrives and catches the criminal's attention, loosening his grip from Amy only for a split second. A split second too much, because she manages to tackle him out, taking advantage over him.

(She told him once, she took self-defense classes.)

(He's never been so thankful for that in his whole life.)

She then jabs him with a shot of sedative drug she's keeping in her blouse, for when she has to deal with tough patients and needs to act quickly.

It takes Jake only a moment to rush to her side after that, taking her in a tight embrace, so relieved she's okay. Though he's deep asleep, he can't help but take her as far away as possible from that Leo man, for fear that he might harm her again. “I'm so sorry I left you like this,” he apologies in a whisper, his head hidden inside her neck.

He detaches himself from her to watch her in the eye as he goes on with his speech. “This is exactly what I wanted to prevent by doing so.”

“That's okay,” Amy gently strokes his face, removing a tear that was falling down his cheek with her thumb as she does so. “ _I_ am okay,” she reassures him – and herself in the process – falling into his welcoming arms again. “I promise I am, Johnny. Or should I call you Jake?” she jokes.

He tenses against her at her last words, separating from her once again. He seems embarrassed and nervous, scratching behind his ear before he takes out his arm for her to shake, and introduces himself, as if they were meeting for the first time – which, in a sense, they kind of are anyway.

“Hi, I'm Jake Peralta, Detective for the NYPD,” he reveals his true identity to her.

“Hi Jake, nice to meet you,” Amy plays along and smiles as she takes his hand in hers before suddenly shaking her head. “That's stupid,” she says, and he doesn't have time to ask her what is, because in no time she's back with her arms encircling his shoulders, scratching the few hair at the back on his neck and her lips are on his, kissing him with a new passion.

She needs him to know that no matter who he really is, she loves him all the same.

Jake's a bit startled by the gesture at first, not quite expecting it, but soon he finds himself kissing her back, so relieved to see he might not be losing her after all.

(Not right now, anyway.)

They're suddenly interrupted in their happy reunion by Charles, who's come out of nowhere and is now by their side, grinning broadly at them with excitement.

“Hi!” he enthusiastically offers his hand to Amy just like Jake did earlier. “I'm Charles, Jake's best friend. And future best man.”

“WHAT?!” both lovers exclaim in unison at his last remark.

“Aren't you hearing wedding bells? Because I am,” he points at the two of them, who are still wrapped up in each other, not wanting to let go now that they found themselves again, and Jake rolls his eyes.

“Charles…” he trails off, threatening, but the other man doesn't seem the least ashamed of his inappropriate assumptions. These two are clearly meant to be, he could tell from the moment he saw the look on his colleague's face when he received that picture earlier that day.

“Nice to meet you too,” Amy eventually reaches out to him, preferring not ignore the rest of what he said. It’s way too soon to speak about marriage.

For a few more minutes the three of them go one chatting joyfully, until Rosa intervenes. “Charles! I could use some help here, if you don't mind,” she calls him back as she's struggling to put the still unconscious criminal inside their police car, ready to take him where he belongs: straight up to jail.

Jake and Amy find themselves all alone again then, but their happiness of being back together soon fades as realisation hit them, watching the other two work.

“So… this is it? The end? You're going back?” the doctor is the one putting their thoughts into words.

The man facing her sadly lowers his head, unable to look at her as he nods his response. He can't even say it out loud. He doesn't want to leave, doesn't want to leave _her_ , but he has no other choice.

He needs to close the case of his undercover mission, and his whole life – his house, his friends, his job – is in New York too.

(His whole life is right in front of him, though – it's _her_.)

(He can't tell her that. It would make things even harder than they already are, for the both of them.)

“I can stay the night, if you want,” he eventually speaks up, sneaking a glance at her in the process, praying for her to accept.

He's not ready to say his goodbyes just yet. He doesn't think he'll ever be anyway, to be honest.

“That would be great,” she offers him a small, shy smile that barely reaches her eyes. It's a pretty light compromise, but still a compromise after all.

She's not supposed to be leaving the hospital right now, though. She has to give her statement about what happened, now that the New Jersey P.D. has come to take over, and her shift isn’t even over either.

“She needs some rest,” her boss surprisingly intervenes when some detectives want to interview her, saving the day for the second time in the span of not even an hour. “She's still clearly shaken up. As her doctor, I say she can't make her statement right now. She'll come back to you tomorrow.”

He gives the men a look that prevents them from arguing in any way, then turns to Jake. “Can I trust you to take her back to her apartment?”

“Of course,” he doesn't hesitate one second, taking Amy's hand in his as they both walk away, offering Dr. Holt a knowing, thankful nod in return.

Before completely disappearing from the scene though, they make a stop near Charles and Rosa. “Is it okay with you if you finish up without me and we leave tomorrow?”

“Jake, don't worry,” Charles puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “We take care of everything. You, only take care of your love,” he winks at him while not so discreetly pointing at Amy by his side.

They both roll their eyes at that, but don't bother to argue, too relieved they can have one more night before the end. They truly have the intention to make the best of their last hours together.

* * *

As expected, saying goodbye the following day doesn't become easier after spending the night wrapped up in each other, sharing tears and stories (they have a lot to talk about, after all, with Jake regaining his memories) and _love_ all night long.

They try to postpone the dreadful moment as much as they can, staying in bed all morning, but eventually Jake has to go when he receives a text from Rosa telling him it's time, a flight is waiting for them. They keep quiet in front of Amy's door, not quite knowing what to say in such a moment.

Of all the things they shared during the past hours, they didn't really talk about their future. They knew they can't be together. With both their works, they would never be able to see each other.

This has to be a farewell.

“I–…,” Jake eventually manages to let out a word, with his forehead against Amy's, and their eyes closed.

“Shhhh,” she prevents him from saying what she thinks he's about to let out – she couldn't handle it if he did. Instead, she kisses him to make him shush, with all she has.

And then suddenly pushes him out of the door, and quickly shuts it. They would have never parted ways otherwise.

Still, they both remain on each side of it for some more time, already feeling the separation burning their cheeks with its tears and breaking theirs hearts.

Eventually though, Jake leaves, and Amy lets herself fall against the door as her tears fall from her eyes when she can’t hear his footsteps drawing away. Never would have they thought saying goodbye would be so hard.

During the whole trip back to New York, Charles and Rosa try to cheer their friend up, but in vain. This time, he's the one in mourning – _inconsolable_.

* * *

_Epilogue_

A few weeks later, the Ianucci family case is finally closed for good, and Jake is able to go back to work at the Nine-Nine. And, though he's happy to be reunited with his job and colleagues, there's still this hole in his heart that formed the minute he left New Jersey and flew back to New York City where he belongs.

(Where he truly belongs, though, is next to Amy. Which he never will be ever again.)

“Hi Jakey!” Charles comes and meets him at his desk, a mysterious smile on his face as he takes a seat by his side. “Doing something tonight?” he suspiciously asks him.

“Nope, nothing,” the other detective answers, barely looking away from his computer and towards his friend as he does so.

“Great,” the older man exclaims at his expected words. “You're free to have some drinks then?”

Jake eventually watches him as he apologies. “I'm sorry buddy, but I'm not feeling like going out those days,” he sincerely confesses. He’d rather be alone, drowning in his sorrow by himself.

(He’d rather be with _her_ , but that’s impossible. He has to move on.)

Charles insists nonetheless. “Come on!” he tries to make him change his mind. “You have to come, it would make no sense if you don’t.”

“Why would it make no sense without me?” the brunette asks, sudden curiosity creeping upon him. “Charles…” he trails off. “Are you trying to make me go to a surprise party for my comeback?”

“Noooo…” the other man denies, but he doesn't sound the least convincing to his friend. “Okay, you got me. There _is_ a surprise party.”

The news doesn't seem to cheer the young detective up, though. On the contrary, he simply sighs. “I'm sorry,” he repeats, “but I wouldn't be of good company.”

Charles remain quiet for a short while, in search of something that would make him change his mind and come. Until it finally hits him, and it's with a broad excitation he lets out, “What if I tell you Amy will be there too?” It's already too late when he realises he's said too much, blowing off the _true_ surprise.

“What?!” Jake's eyes suddenly lit up, as his heart fill up with something he hasn't felt in weeks now – true happiness. “Amy will be here? How?!”

“I said too much already,” his friend refuses to talk more. “You'll have to come if you want to know.”

Seeing her again is still magical, despite already knowing she will be there. She's the first person he notices when he enters _Shaw's_ bar, at the centre of the crowd cheering him for his return. He only has eyes for her then, when he walks towards her, and doesn't waste any more second to take her into his arms and kiss her without even bothering saying ‘hello’.

There's so much more he wants to say, things way more important than that, there’s no time for small talk – he doesn't know for how long she's staying, after all. Plus, he’s been dreaming on being able to kiss her again for weeks now.

“I missed you a lot too,” Amy jokes when they finally part, and he stares at her with true bliss in his eyes, barely able to realise she's _really_ there, curled up against him.

"Wh– what are you doing here?!" he eventually asks the question that has been burning his lips from the moment Charles told him she was coming.

"Let's grab a drink first," she takes his hand in hers and leads him away from the crowd and towards the counter, where they order two beers. Then, when the bartender finishes serving them and leaves them alone, she starts her explanation. "I had a job interview today," she lets him know of the news.

Jake looks confused. He doesn’t understand what this has to do with the topic, but reacts to her words nonetheless. “I didn't know you wanted to change jobs?” he exclaims in surprise. “I thought you loved it there. Wait,” panic suddenly courses through his mind as well as one dreadful thought. “I hope it has nothing to do with me and what we did while I was your patient and they fired you?! That can't be possible, Holt told me he wouldn't fire his best doctor.”

“He did?” Amy seems startled, and very touched, by her boss's view of her. “Anyways, I didn't get fired, no, don't worry,” she puts a hand on his to reassure him, and it immediately calms him down. It always did. “Thought it had everything to do with you, yes.”

“What?” the male brunette asks, more lost than ever. Amy lets out a small giggle at his expression.

“I saw Brooklyn's Methodist Hospital was hiring, and… I tried,” she spills it out.

Jake's soon to react.

“You… you're coming here?!” he's afraid he didn't understand what she just told him well enough.

It sounds all too good to be true.

“Yeah,” Amy agrees, happy tears starting to prickle in her eyes as she speaks, heart beating fast in her chest while she informs him of the news. “Couldn't leave without you, I guess,” she admits.

Jake’s only answer is to stand up. He takes her up in his arms, and kisses her as he spins her around in complete joy. And, when he finally puts her back on her feet, he lets the words escape her throat before being able to think about it. “I love you,” he tells her, then freezes completely.

It's the first time he's telling it out loud – telling it to _her_.

“I mean… Noice. Smort,” he tries to correct himself and playing it cool, afraid it's too soon for such declarations, but Amy stops him before he has the time to panic more, putting her hand on his chest to calm him down.

“I love you too,” she confesses as she puts a tender kiss on his lips, and he can feel her smile matching with his own through it.

After that, they go on chatting for a while, updating each other on their lives. As Jake tells her about the ending of the Ianucci case, Amy lets him know about Daniel, who's woken up from his coma a few days after he left, and is recovering quite well now. She also informs her about her job in New York, a first step towards her biggest dream: to become the Chief Hospital Administrator of an entire hospital someday. Indeed, with that new opportunity, if she gets it, she would be promoted to being Head of Diagnostic Medicine – in charge of a whole medical team, all by herself.

And, as he looks at her with a loving smile on his face that doesn't seem to want to leave his features while she's vividly talking to him, Jake can't help but think he's never felt more at home in his own city than he is right now. With the woman he loves right by his side.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can come and find me on Tumblr @b99peraltiago if you want! Hope you liked this :)


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